| 0:00:00.0 | 7.1s | Doug McKenna | You're listening to For the Record, a registrar podcast sponsored by AACRAO. I'm your host, Doug McKenna. |
| 0:00:07.48 | 7.2s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | And I'm your host's dad, also Doug McKenna, and this is Don't let your ego Be Your Enemy. |
| 0:00:23.48 | 85.8s | Doug McKenna | Hello. Welcome to For the Record. I'm Doug McKenna, university registrar at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. I have been having a bit of a rough time lately with everything that's going on in these here United States of America. It's a crazy time we're living through right now, and it's definitely taking a toll waking up each day wondering sort of what fresh hell awaits. It's increasingly difficult to put this podcast together too. I feel a responsibility to talk about what's going on in America, but this isn't a news podcast or necessarily even a political one. And the production schedule, such as it is, doesn't really facilitate a super timely opportunity to comment on current events. And there's just so much goodness, kindness, decency, the rule of law, traditions, norms, institutions, higher education, even our buildings, our physical buildings are under attack by a rogue's gallery of B-level Bond villains. They want us to give up. They want us to feel dejected. They want us curling up in a ball and cutting contact. So in this environment, I'm gonna keep looking for ways to create the world that I want. I'm gonna continue finding ways to be joyful. Life is vicious, brutish, and short, sure, but it's also beautiful and hilarious and miraculous. |
| 0:01:51.41 | 10.8s | Doug McKenna | Let's get to the topic of the day. And rather than just me chatting it up on this episode, I thought I'd bring back a listener favorite guest. That's you, Dad. |
| 0:02:03.56 | 1.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Sweet mother of the light. |
| 0:02:05.77 | 2.4s | Doug McKenna | So Dad, welcome back to the podcast. |
| 0:02:08.66 | 13.5s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Well, I'm, I'm happy to be here. I think, um, it certainly is, is nice to be here, uh, and to be doing something cooperatively with you is just a, a treat for me. |
| 0:02:22.36 | 21.1s | Doug McKenna | I love it. Thank you. So in this episode, we're gonna be talking about ego. And what is ego? How does ego manifest itself in the work that we do as registrars or in registrars' offices or higher ed professionals overall? And what are some practices to overcome potential negative effects of our ego? |
| 0:02:43.72 | 2.2s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | OK, good. Sounds good. |
| 0:02:46.22 | 50.4s | Doug McKenna | Excellent. Uh, as a frame of reference, Ryan Holiday wrote a book and he's, he's actually written a couple of books. You might be familiar with his work, The Obstacle Is the Way. I've talked about it before with its applications of stoicism to sort of the modern world. His book Ego Is the Enemy is a follow up to that book and it expands some of his thinking in that area, specifically in terms of leadership and management. And if you, gentle listener, have read it or if you wind up reading it after this podcast, You'll find that today's conversation is only loosely based on the book in a more inspired by way than an adapted from kind of a way. But if you haven't read either book, I'd recommend starting with The Obstacle is the Way and then go from there. But let's take a step back, shall we, Dad? How much do you know about Freud? |
| 0:03:36.92 | 11.4s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Um, I can spell his name correctly. Um, and I know that he spends a good deal of time talking about his experiences with his mother. |
| 0:03:48.80 | 97.7s | Doug McKenna | You got it. He is known as the father of psychoanalysis, but a couple of fun facts about Freud. Maybe not fun, fun, but he loved cocaine, was a huge advocate. of cocaine's use. He thought it could cure a bunch of different ailments, and so was a regular user of cocaine and prescribed it to a bunch of different patients over many years. A less fun fact is that he also suffered from oral cancer. He endured over 30 surgeries over 16 years. And had most of his lower jaw removed before he died of the cancer. So, not great. And also maybe a reminder to put the cigars down to anyone who's who's listening at home. So as I said, Freud's considered the father of psychoanalysis and in classical psychology, the ego. Is considered the part of the mind that functions on the reality principle by making decisions based on what is practical and socially acceptable in the external world. So the ego is often described as the conscious self responsible for perception, reasoning, and decision making. And Freud posited the ego as the mediator between the instinctual desires of what he called the id and the moral constraints of what he called the super ego. And these aspects of our psychological makeup create tension, and in Freud's view, the ego was the responsible part of us that receives counsel from the other two, but ultimately in a normal healthy person. |
| 0:05:26.67 | 2.6s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Are there healthy people in this conversation? |
| 0:05:30.48 | 43.1s | Doug McKenna | You know, so no. But in that hypothetical, normal, healthy person, the ego provides balance between those two extremes. So in the classical sense, ego isn't a bad thing. It's conceived of as the center between two extremes, the balance of the scales, so to speak. It's the responsible one who keeps the friend group safe, but also lets the friend group have an appropriate amount of fun. OK, but we have all known someone who takes their sense of themselves a little too far, and it isn't related to their baser impulses or their moral constraints. These people are egotists. Have you ever worked with an egotist, Dad? |
| 0:06:14.8 | 61.7s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Um, yes, I, I can remember vividly when I was uh the Airborne Company commander in the 193rd Infantry Brigade in Panama, we had a battalion commander who used to gather the entire battalion once a month in a theater, and he had rehearsed not just what he would want to say to the battalion as, as an entity, but he would rehearse his Posture, his walk, and he'd actually perform, that's the only word I can find that I think accurately describes it, and it was revolting actually. He, the troops responded, and they sort of giggled and laughed, and I'm not sure they were laughing with him or at him, but the officer corps were just completely turned off by this. Uh, evidence of somebody who really, really took himself too seriously. So yeah, I remember him vividly. |
| 0:07:16.11 | 10.1s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, they are, they're pretty easy to spot, egotists in general, but I want to make a quick digression here just to clear up a couple of things. Oh, |
| 0:07:26.44 | 1.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | I'd love a good digression. |
| 0:07:29.4 | 31.3s | Doug McKenna | And the apple did not fall far from that tree. Egoism is not the same as egotism. That T in there makes a difference. Egoism is a philosophical construct, and aspects of egoism have been retroactively applied to philosophers prior to Max Scherner, but he was the first philosopher to claim the mantle of egoism in his work The Ego and the Self, published in 1844 in Germany, Aberauf Deutsch Natulich. |
| 0:08:01.50 | 1.4s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Aber Nalich. |
| 0:08:04.39 | 29.8s | Doug McKenna | Egoism basically says the conflicts which arise when people each pursue their own ends can be resolved for the best of each individual only if they all voluntarily forego some of their aims. That is, one's self-interest is often best pursued by allowing others to pursue their self-interest as well, so that liberty is equal among individuals. |
| 0:08:34.55 | 22.1s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Oh, OK. Let, let me, let me see. So what you're saying is that sacrificing one's own short-term self-interest to maximize one's own long-term self-interest is one form of this rational self-interest, which is the idea behind most philosophers' advocacy of ethical egoism. |
| 0:08:56.96 | 6.0s | Doug McKenna | That's exactly what I'm saying. You're picking up what I'm putting down, Dad. Great job. You still got it. |
| 0:09:03.17 | 3.5s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | But it's slipping away. |
| 0:09:08.70 | 31.3s | Doug McKenna | Egoists, egoists have also argued that one's actual interests are not immediately obvious, even to themselves potentially, and that the pursuit of self-interest involves more than merely the acquisition of some material good which was rejected by Marx, but the maximizing of one's chances of survival and or happiness. So those are the philosophical foundations of egoism, which we won't be talking about at all today. |
| 0:09:40.19 | 5.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | 00, good. I'm certainly glad we got all that settled then. Yeah, yeah. |
| 0:09:46.39 | 12.5s | Doug McKenna | In the context of this conversation, ego, we're gonna refer to ego as an inflated sense of self importance. That hinders effective leadership and decision making. |
| 0:09:59.14 | 8.5s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | OK, so self-importance, that hinders effective leadership and decision making. OK, got it. |
| 0:10:08.5 | 27.8s | Doug McKenna | Exactly. Critical in that definition is the foundational idea that we are all important, we all have value, and that we all have a sense of that importance. I importance for ourselves. So the ego that we're talking about today is too much of that good thing. Each of us have an ego. We aren't all egotistical all the time, but like implicit bias, our ego is always with us, like our shadow, you know, me, |
| 0:10:36.11 | 1.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | me and |
| 0:10:38.35 | 4.2s | Doug McKenna | my ego. We go. |
| 0:10:45.63 | 16.0s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | OK. You'll, you'll notice that my, my voice is not what it used to be. I'm recovering from the surgery, but it's going slowly. I've had rehab, no more surgery, so who knows? We'll see. |
| 0:11:02.3 | 81.9s | Doug McKenna | Right on. Back to ego. The more we're aware of our ego, the better we're able to keep tabs on it, and the better we're able to rein it in when we need to. And ego shows up in a lot of different ways for registrars, and this is a registrar focused podcast, we say so right at the beginning of each episode, um, but let's be inclusive for higher education administrators more generally or anyone really, ego can look like the following. When you are feeling egotistical, you may be resistant to feedback or to change. Um, you reject constructive criticism or new processes because they challenge your personal experience or comfort level. You can prioritize recognition over service. You view policies and procedures as personal authority rather than tools to support students and faculty. You may struggle with delegation and collaboration, thinking that something will only be done to a high standard if you are the one doing that something. You may avoid. Avoid difficult decisions, not making tough calls out of fear that it'll affect how you're viewed, and you may take challenges personally. You may react emotionally to problems rather than addressing them with objectivity and resilience. Dad, any comments on any of those? Have you seen any of those behaviors in leaders in your career? |
| 0:12:24.24 | 110.0s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Yeah, I, I mean, in my own self, I have struggled with delegation and collaboration. But interestingly enough, on those occasions, and I can think of one in particular, but I don't need to go into its details, a faculty came to me when I was dean at the command of Staff College at Quantico with a particular proposal that seemed a little hinky, not that it was either illegal, immoral, or Um, unnecessary, but it was something a bit unusual, and it took me a few minutes and I said, OK, I've always learned or tried to learn that if people come to you, and this is, you remember Father, well, you may not remember Father Tuberty, I remember, yeah, our pastor at West Point who was Navy carrier fighter pilot in World War II, he used to say, If I have an idea, people will nod sagely and they'll say, and probably nothing will come of it. But if people come to me with an idea, if it's not, you know, a doctrinal or salacious or illegal. I'll, if I let them go, more often than not, they will get things done and we will all benefit. And so I thought about him and so I, I let the faculty who had come to me with a proposal that was a bit interesting, I'll just call it that. I said, OK, let's see how it works and it worked beautifully and they felt. I think they were gratified that they'd been given the leash, you know, the freedom to act on their own, and I felt better because it wasn't about me. It was about them and about the college writ large, which is essentially what we all were supposed to be about anyway. |
| 0:14:14.42 | 42.1s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, that's awesome. That's a great segue actually into our conversation about stoicism. Stoicism is an ancient philosophy, it's not a religion. You can practice stoicism and still be Catholic or Baptist or Jewish or Muslim. Stoicism teaches that to live a virtuous life, one should focus on what you can control, accept the things you can't control, and to cultivate wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, which is a fancy word for self-discipline. Stoicism is a philosophy founded in ancient Greece by Zeno of Cidium. And later developed by thinkers like Seneca, Epictetus, and one of my personal favorites, Marcus Aurelius. |
| 0:14:56.76 | 16.5s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Oh yeah, Marcus Aurelius, the last of the five good emperors from 161 AD until he died in 180 AD. A significant number of things that were tough he faced throughout his life and certainly throughout his reign as an emperor. |
| 0:15:13.54 | 236.0s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, absolutely. Some really fascinating things that we could probably do a whole. Series on Marcus Aurelius's life. Not the point for today though, but he authored what many refer to as one of the most comprehensive and deeply personal reflections on the stoic philosophy in his work, Meditations, which again, I strongly recommend you pick up and thumb through. Not a book that you read cover to cover. It's like it's not that kind of a. Book, but it's worth a read. Stoicism is a philosophy of personal ethics informed by its system of logic and its views on the natural world. It's about accepting what we've been given in life, not allowing ourselves to be controlled by our desires or fears, by using our minds to understand the world around us, and by treating others in a fair and just manner. So at its core, stoicism emphasizes these four main tenets, wisdom, which is understanding what is truly valuable, courage, which is facing challenges with resilience, justice, treating others fairly and ethically, and temperance, which is practicing self-discipline and moderation. So the goal is to cultivate inner peace and strength by aligning oneself with nature and reason rather than being ruled by emotions or external circumstances. So these key stoic principles are relevant to our work in higher education because they can develop positive characteristics of leaders, namely humility, that's recognizing your own limits and valuing others' contributions. Resilience needed more today than ever before, maybe. That's managing setbacks without personal attachment. It'll be hard to understand this one because anyone who's ever worked in a registrar's office has never had anything go wrong ever. So use your imagination, out, self-discipline. Is controlling emotions and reactions. And this one is a challenge for me, honestly. I've been described as having a quote, big personality, uh, and I don't think the person who said that was giving me a compliment. Yeah, it's true, it's true. Uh, so this for me is what we like to call an area of focus, you know, like when the refs are like, oh, they, they got an area of focus on defensive holding this year. You're gonna see a lot of flags on the play for this one for me. But then also back to stoicism, I, I digress again. Objectivity, making decisions based on facts, not pride, being data informed. So we've talked a lot about theoretical stuff and philosophical stuff and all those things, but I promised at the top that we, you, dear listener, we would provide some practical takeaways. So let's get to it. Let's see. As we've discussed, stoicism encourages mindfulness, self-reflection, and exercises like negative visualization, and that's imagining worst-case scenarios in order to build resilience. Voluntary discomfort is practicing hardship to lessen fear of suffering and journaling, as we've seen in Marcus Aurelius's meditations. Those are all well and good, but how do we go about actually addressing our ego? So managing our professional egos is an important process because failing to do so can lead to those bad behaviors that we talked about earlier. So for the rest of the time today, we're going to be discussing practical ways that you can do that for yourself and to encourage those around you to do the same. Supported by ideas found in ego is the enemy or in more generally in stoic philosophy. But here we go. All right, there are 3 main groupings that we're gonna talk about. The first is developing a focus on service over recognition. The second is cultivating humility. And the third is leading with wisdom. |
| 0:19:10.21 | 9.0s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | What would you say those really are distinct areas that there seems to be a pretty fair amount of connection among those three things. |
| 0:19:19.52 | 95.5s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, you're exactly right, they aren't entirely distinct areas exactly. There's some overlap and some connection. So for example, when you focus on service, you're gonna increase your wisdom and you're gonna cultivate humility. Those are positive byproducts of those efforts. And similarly, when you cultivate humility, you'll find it easier to engage in service and to lead with wisdom. So they, they feed off of each other. But let's start with a focus on service over recognition. Dad, do you know the band Jimmy Eat World? No, perfect. They're a great band. You might have heard the song The Middle, where it just takes some time. It'll go in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be all right. Everything, everything will be all right. Yeah, it's fine, um, I recognize that. Yeah, perfect. Great band. Please don't sue me for singing that on the podcast. Thanks. They have a lyric that goes, it's gonna feel so hard. Until you want the work more than the reward. Ah, it was a brilliant turn of phrase, and see, the arts are super important because you can get right at the heart of a thing with just a couple of lines. So wanting the work more than you want the reward is sort of the crux of focusing on service over recognition. And so, to begin a practice of focusing on service, I recommend that you start with gratitude. And I've shared about this previously, but Dad, do you want to talk about the thankful for lists that you and Mom made us do every Thanksgiving? |
| 0:20:55.41 | 38.3s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Yeah, I mean, it was mom's idea. Um, she has a corner on the good ideas. Between the two of us. But yeah, each Thanksgiving, everybody got a piece of paper and a pencil and wrote down. 10, which often was difficult to come up with, uh, 10 things that we were thankful for, and then we, we shared them among ourselves at dinner. And if we had guests, they got a piece of paper and they got to write down 10 things as well, and Mom still has the lists. There's a pile, and she still has them. Yeah, |
| 0:21:33.84 | 77.6s | Doug McKenna | it's a, I, I often sort of rude that part of rue the day. Who talks like that? I, I often rude that part of Thanksgiving because it was a challenge to come up with 10 things, but I have reflected on that over time and have shared this sort of thing. So we're gonna do a quick exercise. If you're listening to this and you're driving, please don't close your eyes. But if you're just sitting somewhere, even at your desk, and you feel like closing your eyes to do it, great. No one's gonna know. Everybody else who's listening, including you, do. I'm gonna ask you to think about a time in your life when you felt happy. Any kind of happy works, and anything could have caused it. There's no right answer here. This is just for you, OK? Once you've selected your happy time. Try to bring up as many details about what was going on, what was happening, who you were with, what you were wearing, what the weather was like, what song was on the radio, what did you smell or hear or see? Details, details, details. Make it as vivid in your memory as possible. Bring that moment back to life in your mind, OK? Take 3 seconds and think about that. Ready? |
| 0:22:56.90 | 4.4s | Doug McKenna | OK. Dad, on behalf of all the listeners, how did that feel? |
| 0:23:02.17 | 9.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Um, good, peaceful, calm, uh, what's the word self, um, exhilarating. It was, it was good. It's nice. |
| 0:23:12.45 | 86.4s | Doug McKenna | Pretty, pretty good, right? And that was easy. It took me less than 1 minute to explain it. It took you less than 10 seconds to do it. You have access to that happiness, to that joy, whenever you want. It's waiting right there in your memory for you to tap into it. There's something else that I'd like everyone to do. If you're listening to this, congratulations, you just got some homework. I want you to make a list every day for a week. In the morning or the evening, that's up to you. We're gonna call it the 3 things list. List 3 things you are grateful for in your role in higher education. Could be the opportunity to help students, the trust of your colleagues, or simply having meaningful work. Writing down your three things every day helps to keep them in mind. It helps to keep you focused on positive things, and after a day or two, you'll start to notice things throughout the day that you'll make a mental note of, and you'll say, oh, I need to add that to my 3 things list. And so what you focus on, you find, and that's similar to leading up to Thanksgiving. I would start to think, oh, I got to put together my 10 thankful for things list, and I would be more conscious of being intentional about finding those things, identifying those things, so that I'd have them in my back pocket when I needed to fill out the list when mom handed the paper. I was always worried too that if I didn't write the 10 thankful for list, that I wouldn't get the food. |
| 0:24:42.55 | 118.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Uh, OK, I agree. It's, it's very important to recognize moments in your life where your work made a difference, interpersonal contact made a difference. I mean, even if they seem minor. Einstein said there are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, and the other is as though everything is a miracle. Now, is everything a miracle? In a way, it depends on how you. Fine miracle, um, celebrate every celebrate those things. Nothing's too small to be miraculous. And when you were talking a few, a moment ago, Doug, if I, I could just add one thing, I thought to myself, OK, what was something that uh miraculous in my life? And for me, this may seem really ridiculous, but it was completing my first marathon. I had trained for it and it was in, in San Antonio, San Antonio rock and roll, the inaugural Rock and Roll marathon, and I, I think about the size of the crowd that left the starting line, and they were doing a half marathon and a marathon, and we reached the point where if you were doing the half, you went left, if you're doing the marathon, you went right, and 9 out of 10 people went left. And it was me and a few people who were way ahead of me who were doing the really long race. But when I thought about it, I just, I enjoyed the moments. I enjoyed the scenery. I enjoyed the other people who were doing this. I enjoyed every mile as I ticked. It off and when I got to the end, it was, yeah, there were still people waiting for me. The clock hadn't run out. It, I felt an enormous sense of accomplishment just because I could walk a long way, but that's one of those moments that I, I can readily and easily bring to mind. |
| 0:26:41.86 | 144.6s | Doug McKenna | Well, I would say that your example that you just shared actually is modeling for me again and still this childlike sense of wonder at the world. You definitely modeled it for us growing up, we tease you about it still. But every time I look at something, and I feel a sense of wonder, or I get the urge to say, look at that. Isn't that great? This is just great. I think fondly of you and so thank you for that. And that brings us to this critical third point is express appreciation. Now that you're keeping track of things you're grateful for and celebrating small wins, don't keep that to yourself. Express appreciation to others. Thank your colleagues, thank your staff, even your students when they contribute positively. This not only builds relationships, it reinforces a culture of gratitude by modeling positive behaviors. There are a couple of other ways to shift your focus from receiving recognition to providing service that can be grouped generally under the idea of defining your purpose as a leader. And how do you do that exactly? Well, start by dedicating some time to write down the reasons why you chose this career. How do you believe your role contributes to the broader goal of your institution or of higher education, and why those things are important to you. Consider it your very own mission statement. It doesn't have to be long, but you have to think about it, and you should write it down. Writing it will clarify it for you, and then you can revisit that statement regularly. And maybe this is obvious in this day and age, but you must lead with integrity. Stay true to your moral and ethical codes. Remain committed to fairness, consistency, and, yes, even the principles of diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, or whatever words we're using to describe those concepts by putting the well. Being of students and staff first rather than seeking your own personal validation. Be intentional about making the shift from personal success to the collective effort of your work. Instead of asking how can I be recognized for my work, ask. How can we serve our institution and students more effectively? And finally, in focusing on service over recognition, keep these three actions front and center. |
| 0:29:06.78 | 89.1s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | I think first, make service the priority. Approach interactions with students and faculty if you're in an educational environment or your subordinates, if you're in a different kind of institutional involvement, environment, excuse me. As as chances, opportunities to solve problems, to, to provide support rather than just the completion of administrative tasks and framing, uh, as, as Doug outlined, even for yourself can go a good long way. Secondly, empower those who work for you. Focus on developing them, not just ordering them around. on mentoring them, fostering a collaborative environment where, which for me meant people, individual faculty were not afraid to knock on my door as the dean and come in and talk, that I was not sort of this isolated guy that only approached people when there were official things to do or get done. Um, and finally, stay mission oriented in your decision making. When you face difficulties, challenges, ask yourselves, ask the group, does whatever this is align with our values and either and my or your role as a leader? Does this align with my own personal core mission statement that can help you keep your ego out of the way. Yes, |
| 0:30:36.9 | 100.8s | Doug McKenna | yes. Thanks, doc. So let's shift to focus on cultivating humility, and humility is simply having a modest view of your own importance. Cultivating humility means demonstrating integrity, openness, and a service-oriented mindset in your daily actions. It requires, I know, right? It requires setting the tone for your team through behaviors that reflect self-awareness, a commitment to growth, and a respect for others. And so here's what that looks like in practice. Acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. Nobody is perfect. You're not perfect. I'm definitely not perfect, so admit when you're wrong. Instead of trying to cover up errors or shifting blame, acknowledge mistakes openly. It's more likely people already know you messed up, so just own it. In 5th grade, I failed a spelling test and I had to take it home and have it signed by my parents. Do you remember this, Dad? Miss Gworski sent the test home. I stashed the test in a closet and hoped that Mrs. Gworski would forget about it, which she did not. So, as a responsible teacher, she called my parents, she called you and mom, and then you guys found the test and you sat me down and you gave me this sage advice. Bad news doesn't get better with age. I was in 5th grade when you dropped that truth bomb on me, and it worked. It's like that was, I still remember it to this day. So everything isn't gonna go your way all the time, but that is, as they say, life. So own your mistakes and model for your team how to take responsibility for things. |
| 0:32:17.41 | 73.6s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Next is to demonstrate a growth mindset. Share what you learned from your setbacks, even just talking about the mistakes that you've made and reflecting on what you could have done differently or how something you were responsible for went wrong can create an environment where people are free to do their best because they aren't operating under the fear. Of making a mistake. Growth mindset includes being eager to pick up new things, understanding that feedback helps you grow to develop, viewing setbacks as temporary, and the challenges are opportunities for you to learn. The military does what they call we called after action reviews, and believe me, I've been in a bunch of them. And that approach has been adopted by the corporate world as debriefs, postmortems, project reviews, but they're essentially the same thing. You get together to talk about what worked and what didn't with an aim of improving things for next time, not necessarily about ascribing blame. If you make it about blame, you might just as well, it becomes dysfunctional. The idea is to learn and grow from what happened. |
| 0:33:31.38 | 58.7s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, important there too, I think is taking responsibility for things that it's not, I want to disentangle the idea that we can think that trying to place blame is bad. Yes, while also reinforcing taking responsibility for things that didn't go well is good because that then leads to opportunities for growth, development, change, training, all those things. And speaking of learning, encourage a culture of learning, create an environment where staff feel safe to own mistakes and learn from them. So people who work for you want to do good things for you and no one likes sharing bad news, especially about spelling tests. Especially when you've done something wrong, but that's where how you respond as a leader when someone brings you those things, that goes a long way. And if you can recall that you are not perfect. It's an easier thing to accept someone else's imperfections. |
| 0:34:30.45 | 27.7s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Cultivating humility also happens when you seek input from others and when you value that, and it's visible that you value that. So listen more than you speak. It's the old if God wanted us to talk more than listen, we'd have had two mouths and one ear. So listen when you speak, engage with staff and colleagues by genuinely considering their perspectives before you make decisions. |
| 0:34:58.37 | 25.0s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, I tell my staff that I have a lot of ideas, but I don't have all the ideas and only some of my ideas are good ideas. So I need their input for all of us. To be successful. And so to that end, ask for feedback regularly, be open to constructive criticism from both peers and subordinates. Leadership for me is about collaboration. It is not about control. |
| 0:35:23.54 | 12.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | And maybe most importantly, give credit where it is due. Recognize the contributions of others instead of you taking ownership of success. |
| 0:35:36.86 | 38.6s | Doug McKenna | I've been in those rooms and I'm sure you have too, and it is always more impressive when someone names the people on their team who were involved in whatever successful venture is being fed. You didn't do all of that on your own, and there's no better way to discourage people from performing at a high level than to steal their kudos and to take that credit for yourself. By leading with humility, you can create a culture of respect, of trust and collaboration, and this approach not only strengthens your team but also enhances your effectiveness as a leader. Uh, let's turn quickly now to wisdom. |
| 0:36:15.87 | 1.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Yes, oh boy, let's. |
| 0:36:18.75 | 10.1s | Doug McKenna | In stoicism, wisdom, Sophia is one of the four cardinal virtues, along with courage, justice, and temperance, and it's considered essential for living a good life. |
| 0:36:29.14 | 9.2s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Cultivating wisdom involves developing rationality, sound judgment, and an understanding of what truly matters. |
| 0:36:38.76 | 100.0s | Doug McKenna | Here's how one can cultivate wisdom in the stoic tradition. Start by distinguishing between what you can and cannot control. So the dichotomy of control as outlined by Epictetus teaches that there's a difference between things we can control and things we cannot control, and that we should focus only on what is within our power and accept what is beyond our control with equanimity. So what do we control really? Things we control our thoughts, our beliefs, our judgments, and our actions. These things are entirely up to us, and so we should focus our energy on cultivating wisdom through them. Things that are outside of our control are things like external events, other people's actions, reputation, wealth, and health. Since these are not fully within our power, we should accept them with equanimity rather than stress over them. And health and wealth are in the outside of our control category, and yes, there are certain things that you can do to influence both your wealth and your health, but also, you can do everything right for your health and still wind up being diagnosed with cancer or multiple sclerosis, or you could get hit by a bus, or the economy could tank, the government could shut down, there could be tariffs placed whimsically and nonsensically. So all of those are outside of our control in that category. So practice reflecting on what you can and cannot control. Doing so helps develop practical wisdom as we learn to direct our energy wisely and we don't go tilting at windmills. |
| 0:38:19.37 | 2.6s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Do they know the quixotic story? |
| 0:38:22.51 | 35.3s | Doug McKenna | Oh, I don't think we have time to dig into that specific tale of epic fail just today. I wouldn't want this episode to go awry or, or, as some might say, Ari. Uh, to lead with wisdom, you need to practice self-examination and reflection. So Marcus Aurelius through his meditations, demonstrates the importance of daily self-reflection. Writing or meditating on our actions, thoughts and emotions helps refine our understanding of ourselves and the way we approach decision making. |
| 0:38:58.2 | 31.0s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Another way to lead with wisdom. is to engage in continuous learning, learn something new every day. I try to learn to say yes ma'am to your mother in a different way each day. When, when you do that, you begin to realize how vast is the breadth and depth of human knowledge and how infinitesimally small our own areas of expertise really are. |
| 0:39:29.27 | 3.9s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, Steven Wright said you can't have everything. Where would you put it? |
| 0:39:36.8 | 19.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Knowledge is a fun exception to this though. There's always more room in your brain. Continuing to engage in learning is wise, and because when you start learning something new, you might not be good at it immediately. It also helps you practice humility. What a combo. |
| 0:39:57.34 | 161.2s | Doug McKenna | It's a beautiful double down. That's right. Wisdom involves seeing things as they truly are without emotional distortion, and this, as I said maybe earlier, is difficult for me. I am an emotional person and it takes a lot of effort for me to remain level and non-reactive, as anyone who's ever worked with me will probably tell you, I don't always succeed at that. Here's some things that I try to do that help. When something emotionally triggering happens, maybe a tense situation or conversation. I attempt to resist the urge to react immediately. I take a deep breath, I count to 10, or try to do a math problem in my head, like, what's the square root of 17? Or if I'm able to, I step away momentarily to break the emotional momentum. During that time, I'm working to reframe the situation for myself. So ask yourself, how would I view this situation if I weren't personally involved, or I imagine that a friend was describing this situation to me. How would I advise them and in that scenario in my brain, I'm my friend. Will this thing matter in a week, in a month, in a year? If the probability of that is low, there's no reason for the emotions to be high. I will sometimes try to imagine the situation from the other person's perspective. Why might they be acting this way? What pressures might they be under, or what challenges are they facing? Those are all ways to buy just a few seconds to re-engage the slow, methodical part of your brain that Kahneman and Tversky referred to as the system 2 part of your brain. The second part of seeing things as they truly are involves recognizing implicit bias. I've spent a lot of time talking about bias and implicit bias in previous presentations and other podcasts, so I'm just gonna paint with a very broad brush here and say everyone is biased. Bias is different than prejudice. Implicit bias exists in everyone, and you need to be aware of how your own biases come through. You need to practice self-examination and reflection to better understand how you see the world and why you see it that way. It takes time, energy, and discipline to train yourself to make rational, objective judgments without the distortion of emotional reactions or bias. These next three items are closely related, practicing mindfulness or bringing awareness to the present, developing a healthy indifference to external outcomes, and engaging in Socratic questioning to refine reasoning. Let's talk about mindfulness first. |
| 0:42:38.92 | 17.5s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Mindfulness is simply the practice of being present and aware of one's own thoughts and actions. Being mindful can ensure that decisions are made with clarity. And are not impulsive or irrational in reaction to emotions. |
| 0:42:56.86 | 61.8s | Doug McKenna | Yeah, and the Stoics were big on mindfulness, as you've probably been able to tell by now. They were also big on a healthy indifference to external outcomes, and this aspect of stoicism is probably the one most people think of when they think of a stoic, sort of unmoved, stony, inscrutable. But what underlies that facade is the idea that external events don't determine our happiness. Our judgments about those events do. Learning to detach from outcomes and focus on virtue cultivates true wisdom. The classic stoic quote is, if you think you are not harmed, you are not harmed. So if you can disentangle your sense of self, your sense of happiness or satisfaction from external events, and instead focus on the things you can control, according to stoicism, you will be happier and you will cultivate true wisdom. So now we're on the Socratic questioning. Dad, give us the rundown. |
| 0:43:59.4 | 43.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Socratic questioning is a method of inquiry and debate that uses a series of probing questions to help individuals explore their beliefs, assumptions, and understanding of a topic, ultimately fostering critical thinking and deeper understanding. You might know it as the Socratic method. And it's used in a lot of law schools asking, is this true? What assumptions am I making can help refine reasoning. Engaging in this method of self-inquiry strengthens discernment and can help to eliminate faulty thinking or avoid snap reactions or judgments. |
| 0:44:43.12 | 66.4s | Doug McKenna | Right? Wisdom isn't just about knowledge, it's about applying knowledge to live virtuously. Each decision should be guided by what is just, temperate, and courageous. Wisdom in stoicism is cultivated through an ongoing practice of self-examination and reflection and a commitment to living rationally and virtuously. All right, so bringing it all back together, the three broad categories of practices that can help you tackle your ego are focusing on service over recognition, cultivating humility, and leading with wisdom. In the overlap of those three practices, you'll find yourself valuing other people's contributions, accepting with equanimity those things that are outside your power to control. And emphasizing the collective effect of your work rather than chasing personal kudos. Let's revisit those manifestations of ego from the beginning of this session, but this time let's overlay the stoic response to those manifestations. |
| 0:45:50.7 | 3.9s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Ego leads to a resistance to feedback, |
| 0:45:54.55 | 2.8s | Doug McKenna | but stoicism seeks out feedback. |
| 0:45:57.94 | 5.2s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Ego prioritizes recognition over service. |
| 0:46:03.47 | 2.4s | Doug McKenna | And stoicism is just the opposite. |
| 0:46:06.54 | 4.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Ego struggles with delegation and collaboration, |
| 0:46:11.70 | 9.1s | Doug McKenna | and stoicism mentors and develops staff so that they can be ready to take on important tasks and values input from others when making decisions. |
| 0:46:21.61 | 3.6s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Ego avoids difficult decisions, |
| 0:46:25.66 | 4.1s | Doug McKenna | while the stoic focuses on things within their control. |
| 0:46:30.17 | 4.4s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | And finally, ego takes challenges personally, |
| 0:46:34.86 | 39.0s | Doug McKenna | while stoicism views challenges as opportunities for growth and development. All right, these are your to do's from this episode. First, remember to tap into your 10 seconds of a happy memory. You can convince your brain to feel happy, and you have the power to do it anytime and anywhere you want. Every day, close your eyes for a few seconds and bring a happy moment to mind. It can be the same moment every time, but hopefully you have a bunch to choose from. Actively bringing to mind a happy or joyous memory primes the pump for you to find and create new ones. |
| 0:47:14.43 | 27.4s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | The 3 things list every day for the next week, spend a few minutes and physically write down 3 things you're grateful for from that day. Grateful is different from being happy. The act of writing will help clarify things for you, and then you can always look back at your lists for a quick start on your 10 seconds of happy. |
| 0:47:42.17 | 39.2s | Doug McKenna | And another thing to write your personal mission statement. Why did I choose this career? How does my role contribute to larger goals? Why are those larger goals important to me? Here again, writing this down will help you clarify and articulate your thoughts here. Your ego doesn't have to be your downfall. Following these simple practices can help you overcome your ego and allow you to lead with wisdom. To cultivate humility and to focus on providing service rather than seeking recognition. Dad, thanks for being here today. I appreciate you doing this. |
| 0:48:21.65 | 7.7s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | I'm very grateful. It's such a treat and such an honor that you think me worthy to participate in these podcasts. |
| 0:48:29.54 | 0.8s | Doug McKenna | Oh, I love you, |
| 0:48:30.37 | 1.8s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Dad. I love you too. |
| 0:48:34.54 | 13.1s | Doug McKenna | As always, thanks very much for listening. I appreciate you. And special thanks to my dad. Hey dad, it's fun being able to rope you into things like this. I love that you're willing to play along, and I love you. |
| 0:48:53.59 | 11.0s | Doug McKenna | Until next time, whenever that is, stay safe, keep hope alive, keep fighting to make the world a better place. I'm Doug McKenna, and this is For the |
| 0:49:04.56 | 0.4s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Record. |
| 0:49:16.88 | 4.6s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | And in fact, the appointment I have later today is with the throat guy. |
| 0:49:21.73 | 9.8s | Doug McKenna | Oh, good. So maybe they'll be like, hey, pokey poke, are you lined up for more surgery or are you lined up for like other vocal rehabilitation? |
| 0:49:31.96 | 29.1s | LTC (Ret.) Doug McKenna | Um, I've had rehab, um, there, uh, unless something really has gone south, and I don't think so. Um, no more surgery, and depending on how he thinks and how what he sees when he looks into my throat, this may be my last appointment with him, or it's been two months since I've seen him because he liked what he saw 2 months ago. So I may have another appointment, but you know, the next 1 may be 3 months from now or so, so who knows, we'll see right on. |